Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
