i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do herpes really smell.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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