The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
