Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize