please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
