Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
