Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
