um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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