I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
