One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
