I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
