I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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