I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
