i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
