White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
