Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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