Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
