Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
