I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
