dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
