capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
