3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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