I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
