I'd wear matching sweaters with you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
