Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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