Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
