carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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