this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize