i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
