Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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