apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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