Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She bit a glass in half.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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