"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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