At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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