he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have fence marks all over my body
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
