so explain again why im purple
no
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
