if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
