Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
