I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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