Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize