you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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