Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So squirting runs in the family.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
