We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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