I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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