Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
