walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
