so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
