Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
