i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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