May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
