apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
