You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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