Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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