Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
