he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
