tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
