My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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