Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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