I wish I only lived at night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
