sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
