her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
