Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
