sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
