:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
