Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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