i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
