dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
