Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
