Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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