All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize