It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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