I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
