your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
