so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
