At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
