I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
