I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
