Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
