matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
