weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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