this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
