i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
