final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm both gender and math confused
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
