Where is the hickey?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
