The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
