i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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