nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize