I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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