Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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