You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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