I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
