Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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